Who? Me? I wouldn't do that -- at least not on purpose

The news is terrible. Forget Mom and her yells about the stock market, this is serious news. A new study from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that pets -- like me and Mauly -- are responsible for more than 86,000 falls in the United States each year.

The Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report said that 88 percent of the falls were caused by dogs and 11.7 percent were caused by cats. Mom read me part of the report. She highlighted the fact that half the injuries were from falling or tripping or being pushed or pulled.

Woof. Very interesting. I don't think humans should blame their dogs for these falls and trips. It's certainly not the innocent pets fault. Sure, I know Mom broke her glasses last year, when I shot between the couch and the end table. I was honestly trying to avoid going to bed in my crate. I just wanted to stay up a little longer. And, let's be honest, she didn't have to chase me. If she hadn't, her glasses would have remained intact.

Sure, Mauly and I both do it. Mr. Food Boy is busy in the kitchen and we decide to plop down on the rug by the sink, right where he wants to go. Sure, we're in the way, but we would never hurt him -- at least not on purpose.

Those balls that Mom can't seem to keep tucked away in that basket, they aren't intended to trip anyone. They are just handy, if and when we decide to plop down and chew on them.

Our early morning jumps aren't intended to cause Mom any harm. We're just happy to be awake and ready for a new day. Granted I look more like I'm bowing as I stretch and stretch first thing in the morning. Mauly looks like like she's hopping on a Pogo Stick as she jumps and jumps up with excitement. She's always ready to go outside.

While our family has avoided injury, the new report comes out right at the time Mom has been providing daily lectures. "When the family arrives, you have to behave. When I say, 'Down, you have to do it.'"

We are having both Mom's Family and Mr. Food Boy's Family visit in April. Mom is trying to get us prepared for the reality of visitors. She and Mr. Food Boy want us to remember our K-9 training.

• No jumping.
• No couch. Mauly will be moved to her ottoman and I will be lucky to get a willing lap when the family members arrive.
• Be gentle. We have young children (Rosa and Scott) visiting us and older people (our human grandparents, who are in various stages of recovery from surgery and discovery -- meaning we're not sure what the diagnosis is yet.

We're all excited about having guests in Del Rio. Family makes everyone happy and travel helps the economy, right? This has to be good. It's also nice to show family members a little piece of the neighborhood.

Mauly and I can't wait to show everyone all the animals we see during our nightly walks. There are eating goats, galloping horses, standing cows, barking dogs, singing birds and sitting rabbits. The deer are everywhere, so I'm not sure they count. Mauly likes to point -- it's a hunting technique used for birds -- at Cow, her friend and at the goats. I like to chase bunny rabbits and bark ferociously at other dogs. Mom scolds me for it, but the other dogs started it.

We'll be on our best behavior. Cross our paws over our hearts. Mom has already told us there will be trouble, if we misbehave (which typically means it's time out in the crate).

Awful news, good news

There was supposed to be awful news today, but I didn't really watch the news. I heard Mom muttering about the headlines with the tens of thousands of jobs cut from a variety of companies. She said more than 71,400 were cut in one day.

The market was expected to drop at the news, but instead it barely stayed positive. Mom seems happy by small gains. The big losses make her a bit crazy.

I've learned a lot about the market over the last few months. Mom thinks I'm asleep on her lap as she munches on a snack and catches the latest news from Ali Velshi and the gang at CNN.

I knew we were in a recession before the "experts" said it. The daily sell offs. The daily "fears of a recession." The daily insanity as people worried and fretted about what the market would do next. I never understood why they just didn't say it. Mom didn't either. She yelled at the TV, "Say it is a recession already. Please." It took months for the "experts" to call it a recession.

I don't stay focused on Mom's rants for long. I move from her lap to my lookout atop the back of the loveseat. I gain height here. I can see all the birds that stop in our front yard. I can bark at them. I can howl when the stray neighborhood cats waltz into our domain.

Mauly-Bones, who is my dog stepsister, sits below me on her ottoman. She barks with me, especially when the cats walk by the window. She doesn't like them either. We call her Mauly, for short. She is almost seven times bigger than I am. I weigh a fierce eight pounds. I bark like a big dog.

The news may distract Mom, but Mauly and I remain vigilant at the window. Any chance of "awful" news ends around 5 p.m. when Mr. Food Boy arrives home from work. We bark and jump to greet him. Mom protests the noise, but she never calms us down until she lets us out. There we run down the concrete walkway to greet Mr. Food Boy. It's a great day.